“If you feel really cold but your balls are hanging normally, congratulations you probably have a fever.”

“If you’re standing and about to climax, bend your knees. Thank me later.”

“It takes just as long to pretend to wash your hands as is does to actually wash your hands.”

“If another guy ever borrows your razor say, “my ball razor!?” They won’t borrow ever again.”

“Not so much of a life hack but more of a diagnostic. Your body will almost always perform based on your lifestyle. Sex is a reflection of what you eat, how much you sleep, how stressed you are, and how much you want to do it. Almost all guys have felt that feeling when you wanna be full mass but you’re only getting 75%. What I’m saying if you wanna get your sex life in prime condition you gotta work on all the other parts of your life.”

“I saw a meme about pouring Gatorade on her after sex and saying good game. Do not do this. I’ve tried it. She just gets mad and ignores the obvious genius of humor that you are.”

“Use a grocery bag to collect hair while trimming your pubes. Put your legs through the handles, pull it up like underwear, stand wide-legged so the bag stays in place. But please close and lock the bathroom door, so you don’t give your SO PTSD.”

“Use cold water to get rid of cum stains more easily.”

“If you imagine your toilet bowl as a clock face and you concentrate your pee stream at about 11:00 or 1:30 thereabouts, you can create a pretty sweet whirlpool effect. Double fun if you try to cancel out or turbo boost the flush swirl.”

“Wash out a soap dispenser like, very, very well and refill it with water-based lube. Remove all the labels so you don’t mix it up. During sex, it’s easy to get more whenever you need it, and you should use it any time you feel a lot of friction. Also, switch to polyurethane condoms. They work just as well, but hardly anyone is allergic to them.”

“File any fingernail that you hope to put into a butt hole.”

“Let her in the car first. Then when you walk around the car you can fart.”

“An older Jamaican man once told me to piss into my girlfriend’s pussy when having sex. He said this would make her adore me. DO NOT DO THIS.”

“Tissues with lotion. Won’t stick to your junk. Nothing worse than mummy dick.”

“If you pull apart your butt-cheeks and use the right pressure you can do silent farts 100% of the time. with practice, you’ll be able to do it hands-free.”

“If your partner is into hair pulling during sex, don’t just grab the ends of the hair and pull. Get your hands deep into their hair, and pull from the base.”

“If you have an unwanted boner at a bad time, flex your thigh muscles as hard as you can, blood will go to your thighs instead. Not sure about the scientific explanations, but it works.”

“Jerk off before making major life decisions. Sometimes your ‘certainty’ about something is just you being horny.”

“Put one of your balls in between your thumb and fingers. Apply a very small amount of pressure. Gently roll your ball between your fingers. Repeat for the second testicle. Congratulations! You’ve just checked yourself for testicular cancer. If you feel any hard lumps or anything out of the ordinary, see your doctor. If you check yourself regularly, you can catch it early. Although you may be one nut short afterward, it’s a hell of a lot better than having the cancer spread.”

“For shaving your asshole, put a DVD, cd, Blu-ray, or something similar on the floor and squat over it. You’ll get a nice reflection and the hole in the CD will block out the sight of your own butthole.”

“Just before cumming, inhale deep and hold your breath, this makes your orgasm feel much more intense. Works for women too.”

“Do kegel exercises. I recommend while brushing your teeth (or any other twice-daily task). Hold 3-5 seconds, release for 3-5 seconds. Ten sets a couple times a day, aids stamina, orgasm control, even getting that last bit of pee out, too ( I assume good for prostate health as well, but I can’t speak for sure on that). Can also make ejaculations more like dropping Mentos in Coke rather than water leaking from a busted garden hose so consider investing in protective eyewear.”

“If you are shaving your pubes and need to shave the hair on your shaft. Get an erection first. It makes it much easier to shave. Also, coconut oil is a nice moisturizer for the dong.”

“Buy body groomer clippers if you want to manscape. It’s much easier, and a razor will just cause irritation, ingrown hairs, and chafing.”